My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh god it's open bar.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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