i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
