I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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