I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
