Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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