Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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