dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
