i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
