I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
