She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
