The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
there is puke in my bra ... again
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
