we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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