I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
