HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
