So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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