ADVERTISEMENT

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Yes.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria

  Fav 37 4952 1178

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"

  Fav 25 6217 843

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (573): View more from Missouri

  Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.

  Fav 24 7573 1341

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.

  Fav 18 4598 1363

  share tweet
  
• 

  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (801): View more from Utah

  I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...

  Fav 7 3578 1220

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles

  Fav 8 3504 1000

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (541): View more from Oregon

  ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack

  Fav 7 1182 1710

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.

  Fav 33 1173 5393

  share tweet
  

• (559): View more from California

  I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.

  Fav 25 1478 3301

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (518): View more from New York

  Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him

  Fav 9 1606 776

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"

  Fav 9 2892 885

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (434): View more from Virginia

  I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time

  Fav 7 612 1234

  share tweet
  

• (573): View more from Missouri

  Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.

  Fav 3 804 531

  share tweet
  

• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?

  Fav 0 414 535

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (303): View more from Colorado

  don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.

  Fav 0 396 192

  share tweet
  

Randomize