Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype

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(515): You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype http://tfl.nu/ca23

Replies (10) Good night (4289) Bad night (1313)
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(206): View more from Washington

All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.

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(206): All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came. http://tfl.nu/je3h

Replies (8) Good night (4584) Bad night (988)
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(518): View more from New York

I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.

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(518): I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred. http://tfl.nu/3k1m

Replies (11) Good night (3866) Bad night (878)
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(260): View more from Indiana

Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?

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(260): Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement? http://tfl.nu/iy8f

Replies (8) Good night (1126) Bad night (2831)
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(585): View more from New York

eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'

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(585): eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch' http://tfl.nu/cs24

Replies (7) Good night (2738) Bad night (1604)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.

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(859): I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke. http://tfl.nu/mdh7

Replies (6) Good night (745) Bad night (1301)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.

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(812): Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand. http://tfl.nu/f9hd

Replies (9) Good night (763) Bad night (3500)
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(619): View more from California

I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.

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(619): I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome. http://tfl.nu/x3tk

Replies (11) Good night (2679) Bad night (727)
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(281): View more from Texas

Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.

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(281): Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have. http://tfl.nu/1d5c

Replies (10) Good night (3822) Bad night (691)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.

(213): View more from California

I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.

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(773): Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA. (213): I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars. http://tfl.nu/q1ju

Replies (15) Good night (1936) Bad night (769)
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(775): View more from Nevada

He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.

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(775): He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants. http://tfl.nu/n2nz

Replies (3) Good night (1740) Bad night (841)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?

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(513): Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom? http://tfl.nu/9zj7

Replies (5) Good night (434) Bad night (391)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.

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(317): Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life. http://tfl.nu/xt94

Replies (1) Good night (870) Bad night (305)
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(240): View more from Maryland

Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning

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(240): Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning http://tfl.nu/k63c

Replies (0) Good night (553) Bad night (463)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye

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(812): Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye http://tfl.nu/1c9h

Replies (0) Good night (325) Bad night (494)

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