You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.