we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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