I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You've changed since you got that strap on
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
