I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
