i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wish there were birth control emojis
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
