I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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