i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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