I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
