Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
