Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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