i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
