did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
