i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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