i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
