3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
