Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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