he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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