I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
handjob tips. give me some.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
