hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
