So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
