I wish I could teleport
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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