Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
