Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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