so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
