I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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