i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
