On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
