so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
