I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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