Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
