Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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