Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
