I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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