ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
