addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
