can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
