god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think i have herpe
just one?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
