Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
