im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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