does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I need help removing her.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
