its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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