A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
