You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
