it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
