Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
