I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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