when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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