i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
