We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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