he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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