I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
