i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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