I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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