Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
