I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
