Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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